It's a Landyachtz Spud, and I am cool enough to have named it. Heh. His name is, Merlin. At first, I was used to the classical top mount flat deck type of board, so I took a little while to get accustomed to the feel of this board. However, after the first couple of days, this board proved to me the pure genius of those innovative minds who design longboards. This board rolls like it's moving over oil, though I suppose that might just be because the bearings are new. Though its turning radius isn't quite as tight as say, a typical Sector 9 pintail, it's still very agile and makes it relatively easy to slalom through pedestrians on foot, woohoo. The interesting thing about this board is, it's so agile, but at the same time it's literally built like a tank. I have yet to ride a board that feels more stable than this. A lot of boards, they feel like they're moving around under your feet and you have to make sure to keep your balance or else they'll throw you... The Spud, however, it feels like you're just standing on the ground. That's how stable it is. I love this board, really. Really really really. Longboarding has become my anti-drug; when I'm feeling ridiculously stressed and can't work anymore without going crazy, sometimes I just take Merlin out and I cruise around campus listening to music for about 30 minutes to an hour. And when I get back to my room and continue working, I feel completely relaxed and able to focus. It's great. I love Merlin.
Moving on, then.
Random thing that I would like to say; I vacuumed my room for the first time this past Thursday! I greatly appreciate my vacuum cleaner, it's so cute and efficient. So late at night, while my roommate was doing homework and we were listening to music at a reasonably cacophanous volume, I bustled around with this vacuum cleaner, et voila, in ten minutes the floor had become so much cleaner. I am not kidding, the change was visible. As I write this, in fact, I look at the floor and feel joyous at the level of cleanliness that is evidenced before my very eyes. I had been lazy before this, but from now on, I'm planning on vacuuming regularly. It's a very stress-relieving experience.
Speaking of stress.
I've been having midterm exams for the past two weeks, and this coming week is the third and last week of exams. This whole college thing is a lot more stressful than I thought it would be.
Recently, I came to a realization concerning myself that was quite a revelation on my part. Mostly because I feel like I've known this my whole life, but I'd been forcing it to the deepest depths of my subconscious in abject denial and fear of the truth.
Here, the thing is, right.
I'm just not smart.
I can't believe I didn't admit this to myself earlier! I would always get frustrated at bad grades, and not understand why I couldn't be at the top of the academic pile.
Well now I know.
That, plus I was lazy in high school. Which I've always known, much to my chagrin.
So far in university, I think I'm averaging a C. I really had no idea why I wasn't doing better, considering the fact that while everyone who lives in my building is out partying and drinking every night (and trust me, it's every night - I hear them shouting outside my bedroom window), I sit around in my room going over lecture notes and doing homework. While everyone else sleeps on Saturday and Sunday mornings until at least 12, I'm awake at 8 to finish up my homework, do readings for classes, and study for whatever is coming up that week. Which I do until well into the evening. While everyone else is out making friends and spreading themselves thin because of their intensely overloaded social lives, I stay in and try not to spread myself thin because of my intensely overloaded academic life.
Somehow, though, everyone else seems to be coping with their schoolwork better than I am.
One of my closest friends here is in a fraternity, and he's out with his frat brothers minimum three nights a week, until at least 2 AM. One of those three nights it's obligatory to stay until 3 AM, and the other two he's allowed to leave the frat house between 1 and 2. He's taking the same biology and chemistry classes as me. And even though he parties so much, and is busy with frat duties etc etc, he still has a much higher GPA than I seem to be able to obtain.
And I didn't know why.
Ha!
So now that that mystery has been solved, I can finally stop hating myself and just accept the mental capacity I have, and stop lying to everyone, including me. Of course, it's frustrating, believe you me. But it would seem to me that it would be best to approach life with a nihilistic outlook, which I've been doing for about five years now. This mindset has helped me to realize that as stressful as everything may get, ultimately nothing is really worth all of one's energies, because in the end, what is it that truly mattered in life?
Nothing.
So during one's lifetime, one should try to maintain two things; happiness, as much as is possible, and financial independence. That's all life really has to offer, I figure. And when it's done, it's done.
Basically this boils down to; I will not kill myself over my inequality to others who are naturally more capable than I. I'll just do my best as it is and not get frustrated. Yes. And I can motivate myself with the thought that a diploma from USC always looks good. I just hope to raise my average to a B by the end of this school year.
Heh, a large group of people are playing Marco Polo in the hallways of my dorm right now. They're screaming and sound a little bit hysterical. Which surprises me, as Saturday night is a party night here, but it's only 18h20; they've started a bit early tonight, I see.
Actually, I'm really tired right now. I think I'm going to go nap, then wake up later tonight and keep doing homework. I want to get 80 pages of reading from a book done for my writing class today, and so far I've done 40. So, 40 more to go. And then I'll make an essay plan based on the text, its implications, and a prompt that my professor gave us.
For now though, ach, I'm so tired. I have to sleep.
Goodnight world, I will see you in a few hours.
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